Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional...

My Valentine's Day will never be the same after the shooting that took place at NIU my freshman year. How could I possibly be happy on a day when five lives were brutally taken? My freshman year of college will never be forgotten because of February 14, 2008. Forward, together, forward... I can only imagine what those who were close to the five victims must feel on this day.

I've finally figured out what's going on with my Bookshare and RFB&D accounts. Passwords and usernames have been retrieved. I did, however, find out that neither have proof of disability. GR! I need to find tutorials on how to use both services. Anyone want to be a mentor? I would greatly appreciate step by step assistance.

Phone calls have been made. Homework still needs to be done. Busy day.... It doesn't help that I'm on Mother Nature's shitlist either... Tomorrow will be epic.

Let's see. I managed to do my homework for my online course in an hour. Whew... at least it's finished. The quality might suck, but I'm just relieved it's done for now.

What I want accomplished by the end of Monday:
- Ethics homework
- Stats homework
- E bio homework
- Criminology homework
- phone call to RFB&D
- phone call to AW @ Kish to schedule tests for Ethics & Stats
- phone call to BookShare
- fax proof of disability
- phone call to NFB to send in cane for one that is the right size
- phone call to social security
- phone call to family services
- visit to Star Properties for 1 bedroom apartment availability
- cash check from Courtney
- write check for water bill and gas bill
- find out about Judo club on NIU campus
- phone call to G doc

So much to do in so little time... Still I am content... Gotta take the dog out and go to bed. G'night!

As soon as I got off the train I walked to a shelter and turned on the heat. Not long after, a man came and placed his things on the ground. He started to place one of his hands as another man entered the shelter. I told Jim to "knock it off" hoping the man would get the hint. The other man said, "Man, don't you know better than to touch a blind person's dog?" The guy reaching to pet Jim withdrew his hand and said, "I was just letting him sniff me." The other man replied, "You never pet those dogs. I learned the hard way. I pet this one blind man's dog and he screamed and cussed at me. "You mother fucker should never pet my mother fucking dog. You should fucking know better." I wish that man was able to see because I was flippin' him off." I chimed in, "not all blind people are like that though." The man said, "Oh I know mam. I didn't say it was you."
He proceeded to talk about how the weekend pass for the Metra had risen from $5 to $7. My father pulled up. I bid both men good night and walked away.

It's all over the news, but apparently there is a hazing investigation going on for Prairie Ridge High School. My sister is a senior there now. I graduated in 2007. It's just incredible how these things happen. The media is sucking this up and spitting it out. I am so angry that this happened. Hazing is just so... Gr.. I am ashamed to say that the students involved in this incident attend my former high school.
Here is the article.
www.dailyherald.com/story/

My family arrived from Korea this past Wednesday. I came home from D.C. late last night. My aunt surprisingly enough did not tell me I was fat. I was again taken aback by the acceptance that suddenly seemed so overwhelming. I walked through the door, she was bubbling with excitement that she almost did not wait for me to remove my shoes. An embrace was shared and warmth was abundant. She exclaimed, "Oh, she's beautiful; a true lady." It brought a tear to my eye which I quickly brushed away. I've always loved my mother's side of the family. My father's side is raw. It was a pleasant change to be greeted with a compliment instead of a direct statement about my weight.

I've come to realize that there are just some things about myself that I can never change. I will forever and always be surprised by someone else telling me I am beautiful. Accepting myself has always been a challenge. Accepting others because of my insecurities has also been a rock in my shoe. Tomorrow will be a new day and maybe ever so slowly I will become a better person than I am today. This isn't just a hope, it needs to be a reality, a way of life that has to be there for the remainder from today to the day I die.

Why do revelations always bring me to compose these entries? It's almost amusing.

My participation in the Washington Seminar has also allowed me to learn about others and about myself. Not many people can say that they have the guts to do what I've done in the past couple days.

Time is running out. Today I will visit MCC and accomplish what I couldn't yesterday.

Let's live, not trudge. Today will be tomorrow. No regrets. 

The decision was made and I came home from school with a new Toshiba t115 in nova black. It is quite a bit lighter than my Compaq laptop. I figured the built in magnifier would also be nice considering it finally came equipped with a "full screen" mode. The keyboard is not exactly my favorite, but I will learn to live with it. My back will appreciate my decision later. The only two things that kind of bother me are a. quiet speakers and b. grainy camera footage. Otherwise, I am content with what I have. This computer is not necessarily a netbook. It is, however, not completely a laptop either.
I will be attending Carmen's wake on Friday. A huge part of me is already tired... I miss you.

New York

Sunday: Gotham Comedy Club
Monday: Korea Town, Empire State building, Times Square
Tuesday: Lighthouse International, Gene's Coffee shop, school stuffs/fax, UNO for the evening
Wednesday: Trip to GDF and dinner at Carrabba's with MK and CL.

Boston

Thursday: Arrival at 5:30 PM, Indian food for dinner, Chillaxin' for the rest of the night
Friday: Hangage with KB and KC, TJ Max, Newbury Comics, the north face, Cheesecake Factory, smoothie at Paris Creperie, and dinner at Tupelo in celebration of elvis's birthday.
Saturday: Aquarium, dinner at Bretucci's
Sunday: Brunch at tupelo, exchange tshirt at newbury comics, harvard square garage, starbucks, explore newbury comics at that location, went to coop, CVS, maki madness with RT and friends
Monday: flight at 7 AM EST

OK, so I owe you an update.
I'm currently in NYC. I'm staying with my friend who lives in Queens.
My New Year was uneventful and the first day of my trip was a roller coaster. It ended well though.
I was taken to Gotham Comedy Club in Manhattan. Let me tell you, it's an experience that can't really be described in words. Laughter, laughter, and more laughter, but something else was included in the mix.
I can see myself doing standup. In fact, that is one of my dreams and kind of always has been.
I don't know where we are going today. Perhaps it is KoreaTown or Times Square or somewhere else. I plan on visiting GDF while I'm in NY and I hope to visit fiddle_pup while she's at TSE. I also hope to run into Jim's puppy walker while I'm here. 
So, good trip thus far.
Hope to update later. 

Christmas was spent entertaining children. Not my favorite thing to do.
I got a Christmas ornament which was given away to the children and $80. Blarg. So, no real present opening for me.
Barb got me a key locator and some fudge for Christmas.
I got her an MP3 player. Blame Black Friday...
The move went fairly smoothly. I am almost settled in. On Monday night, I had a weird dream and I had another weird dream last night. So, that's everything in a nut shell. I don't know when I can update again.
Bye for now, LJ!

Merry Christmas LJ!
We are actually going to be leaving for Indiana in about 8 hours. Unfortunately, I was asked to leave Jim home. It is unfair to hi to spend Christmas day alone. Many may say, he's only a dog, so what? But I am rather disappointed that my family will not allow me to take him with. He's well behaved, clean, and quiet. Not to mention, he's my companion. Mingke on the other hand is timid, nervous, prone to bite, and overall, not a dog that should be around other people. He would be perfectly content being home alone.
My cousin also has a big back yard that Jim could play in tomorrow. He needs a Christmas with me and I want to provide him with that luxury. Plus a faithful hound by the fire is my cup of tea. I just want him to be happy, not lonely.
I just can't imagine Christmas without him.

AHH! I get to turn in my psych paper today without any penalties! My psych teacher is really really amazing! I am so thankful that she would tell me not to worry and that she's going to accept my paper. She is an awesome teacher. I am so so glad everything is going to be OK. It's such a huge relief. I feel like someone took a boulder off my head and my chest. After today, I will be done with all class related things. Work out class will continue until Dec 23rd. So far, my grades look as follows:

• U.S. Govt- D (I didn't think I was going to pass anyway. The teacher had a thick accent and covered the material in a very disorderly fashion. He's a great teacher minus the fact that none of the material on his study guides are on the actual test. I didn't turn in the extra credit paper because it really wouldn't have made a differnce. But KCC accepts D's and so I wont have to take that class over again. YAY!)
• Psych- unknown (She said that everyone will get a C-, but the real grades will be submitted by Monday. I hope to God I don't get an F in that class.)
• Geology- C (I did OK on the final. I wasn't expecting anything better. As long as it's not an F, I'm OK with it. I passed and in my mind, that's all that counts.)
• Choir - A (It's hard to fail this class.)
• Voice - A (Same comment as above)
• Work out - Unknown (I guess it depends on if I pass my psych class. I plan on getting either a B or an A. It's all a difference of 3 hours of workout.)

So yeah, and thaen there's all this moving stuff that I have to take care of, but my possible roommate is in Germany spending the holidays with her family. I hope to know soon. I'll write more about that later.

This is a cover. But I really like how she did this. Original by Kina Grannis.

When was the last time I posted at 5 AM? *grin*
I am in the funniest of moods right now. No one is awake and I am super giggly.
I fell asleep around 9:30 PM and woke up at around 4:30 AM.
That's something I wish would happen all the time. Perhaps it should be a little later though. 9:30 is a little too early IMO.
Tis the season to look at netbooks. I heard that Windows 7 is installed on some of them. I was also bribed by my parents about the possibility of them purchasing me a macbook pro if I lose 15 pounds by June. I've already lost some weight. So the bribe might work. *laugh* Anyway, does anyone know if the magnifier is included on Windows 7? I might purchase a portable disc drive to install Zoomtext on the netbook, unless it's a bad idea. I'm just tired of carrying this clunky laptop around. It's kind of heavy. All I know is that it needs to be lighter and I need to save my back the trouble of carrying such a monster. A smaller screen doesn't really matter much IMHO. I would like a powerful one though; one that would last me at least a couple years.
I took two of my finals yesterday. I was pulling a C in one class and I don't know what the grade is in the other class. I do, however, have to turn in a paper for my psych class which is the class that I don't know my grade in. Today I have to study, attend a review, and write a 5 page paper on blindness and reciprocal influences. Tomorrow if all goes well, I will be done with my semester with the exception of my work out class. My instructor is giving me until January 14 to finish my hours. I plan on getting a B for the course, which means that I will have to complete 26 hours of fitness.
In other news, I have my appointment with a KCC advisor today. I'll also look into their special needs office and ask if there are any other blind students on campus. Maybe I'll find one with a dog guide. Dekalb has a shortage of visually impaired people as does where I live now. I hope everything turns out.
I am suddenly hungry.Off to find some food.

Anyone know how to calculate GPA? I need it written down. Someone explained it to me once and I still don't remember. I'm not going to say I can't afford to fail a class. I already know that for myself.

However, I have very bad testing anxiety and I also am a huge procrastinator. Sad for someone who goes to community college. If I fail out of MCC, I'll probably die inside. Not gonna lie though, there are a few classes that really rocked the boat.

I'll be surprised if something goes right and I get a C for U.S. Government. I couldn't get into the computer labs to print out the documents I wanted to study from. Why? Everyone is in there printing out last minute assignments. That'll be me on Tuesday and Wednesday.

After 5 PM today, I'll have 1 final and a paper to complete Wednesday.

Not too excited about my psych or govt exams.

My day, to say the least, was interesting.
I arrived at MCC around 11:25 AM. I lunched with Susan. I had originally planned to work with the Rotoract club members on the Braille project. But I was hungry and wanted lunch first. Is that honestly a sin? I called and called. No one answered. They had already started without me. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of pissed at the lack of communication. The day passed slowly. I worked out for 45 minutes. (22 hours and 50 minutes to go!) Then hung out with Matt until I got picked up around 4:15. Barb's house had food. I snarfed apple pie.
We picked up the loveseat from the freecycle lady. The couch gets picked up tomorrow (Friday). They are both really comfy and are in very good condition. Not to mention, they came from a smoke free home. The decision has been made. Our living room will be zebra themed. We will purchase sheets to cover the hideous colors of the couch and loveseat. But nonetheless, making it zebra-like is very doable. So, Barb and I had moved the loveseat into her SUV all by ourselves. My arms are screaming cuss words to the high heavens.
Food was ingested and then Barb took a shower. In the meantime, I took the liberty of hacking into her facebook and writing a status message. It read, "Barb likes eggs in the morning." Sleep followed and I didn't really wake up until 9:15 PM.
I got Barb to sort all of her clothes and go through her dresser. A lot of successes for one Barb. She has a lot to donate to the Salvation Army.
I should go to bed now.
Tomorrow or today, whatever.... We will go to the apartment subleasers and sign a contract. The reality of the move is drawing nearer.

Not gonna lie, I'm rather nervous about the end of this semester. We will be signing the contract for the apartment sometime this week. More than likely on Friday. Today is Wednesday, another busy school day. I will be meeting up with some of the Rotoract Club. They are MCC's service club and are assisting me in calculating which of the signs need braille labels. I know that quite a lot of A building, B building, and C building do not have braille labels on the signs near the doors. I am so happy this project is going underway. I have yet to hear from the salvation army about bell ringing. All I know is that I need a job.

Gah - I should probably go to bed. Short and Sweet...

This past week was just exhausting. I haven't updated in a while because I just didn't have the time. It's crazy how fast break went and I already finished my first day back.

Black Friday was semi successful. I got my digital camera and a Christmas present for Barb along with a vacuum cleaner for the new place. Shopping was so exhausting. We went to 5 different places in a matter of 4.5 hours. Barb bought herself a coat and some clothes. I focused on the electronics. My digital camera is the Kodak m340. It is ruby and has a nice big screen. The only downside to it is that it makes a weird mechanical noise while zooming in and continues to do so after I stop zooming. Oh well, can't get everything right in life. I also didn't get a pair of jeans. Too bad money doesn't grow on trees. I really need a new pair.

Thanksgiving was actually a surprise. I went to bed at 5 AM. Snow was on the ground and I was so surprised, but didn't stay up long enough to enjoy it. I was woken up with my sister banging on my door at 10 AM saying that people were coming over in a couple hours. We ended up cooking the entire meal. We had corn, a 20 lb turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberries, sweet potato casserole, and other yummy things. I don't know how it was pulled off.

Mom is doing well. She actually had to work on Friday and is working today. I am so proud of her for undergoing this surgery. She was so brave and the end result will help her in the long run.

Jim dog has been a good boy and I am planning on getting him his harness and Musher's Secret for the winter time. Maybe I should sell his booties. I don't seem to use them as much as I thought I would.

I visited Chicago twice during break. Once with Cas and Glenn and the other with Glenn, Barb, and Barb's co-workers. Both times were fun. However, I enjoyed myself more on Wednesday. Did I mention that I went to the art institute on the Friday before break? That was a trip that was random and spontaneous. I also got to eat out a lot. My goal is to avoid eating out as much as I can in December.

Lastly, let's talk about school. KCC sent me information for what I have to do before I get there. I still have to call them and make an appointment with an advisor. I hope that they evaluate both transcripts and give me credit for classes that I took at NIU and MCC. I do not want to repeat any courses and I'm determined not to.

I also wanted to rant about the messiah rehearsals in choir. MCC's chorus doesn't take it seriously. Some people aren't even showing up. It frustrates me when people don't put forth the effort for something that can be so great. We are on a time constraint. Every student was invited to come and rehearse with the community choir. Thus far, not many MCC students have shown up. Then we suck during our regular rehearsal. I hope that KCC's choir is better than this one. I am a musician and I am passionate. I take these things so seriously. I wish that more people my age would. If not, they should just stay away. I hate being distracted, especially by those who don't care.

My time is up, I gotta go work out now. She gave me an extension till February. 24 more hours to go before I get my A in my work out class.

I will pull on over-nighter in order to get what I want on Black Friday. Barb and I are both shopping. She for a winter coat and jeans and I for electronics (digital camera, SD cards, etc.) and clothes. It will be fun considering we will both be hella tired. I really wont have a Thanksgiving dinner or anything big. So I don't really have to worry about being too tired. My Friday will be spent bathing Jim and doing homework. Not sure what the rest of the weekend will entail.

On the other hand, my mother's surgery was a success. Given, I am not present for her homecoming. My father dropped me off at MCC early today. Which brings me to the next point.... I can't complete half of my to-do list. My father bought the dog food while he was coming home from the hospital, but he suggested that I go and buy another bag because PetSmart is having a safe on Blue Buffalo.

I have so much to do today. Two tests, a paper, workin' out.... I will be possibly meeting up with Mayra and friends for dinner. It all depends on if my class gets out when I want it to. Sometimes it happens, other times it doesn't. People are anxious to be on break, me included. I went and spoke to my instructor for the gym class I am taking. She is giving me an extension for February as long as I bring in a doctor's note as proof of being ill. Considering I'm moving out, I'll just take til December to finish my hours. I have around 5 hours right now. I'd like to do 23 more hours before December 23.

Things are beginning to be finalized for the apartment. My father is determined to succeed and I am determined to do well as soon as I permanently move out. I have yet to tell them that I will be living with Barb **AND** her boyfriend. Their possible negative reactioin is what is keeping me from telling them right away. They have to see the apartment first. I'm almost positive they will ask questions when they meet the subleasers. I will have pictures up of the place when I get a chance.

Is anyone going to the NFB Washington seminar? I am going to apply and send in my application as soon as I can. This is an exciting opportunity for me. I was already asked to be on the legislative board. I think I will email the president back and tell her that I will accept the offer and join the board.

OK - I should study for my test now. :)

It's been a rough week. Although some good news: my father passed his CNA certification test. I am at a peace of mind and can move out without feeling too bad. I am hoping he gets a job soon. He will be going out to Chicago tomorrow after my mother's surgery.
My feelings are mixed for the surgery my mother will go through tomorrow. She will leaving at the crack of dawn and returning at around 11 AM. My father will leave soon after to go job hunting in Chicago.
My tomorrow goes as follows:

• turn in topo paper (yeah, still have to write that tonight...)
• work out
• take a psych test (4 essay questions... SO screwed.. hate essays)
• schedule an appointment with an advisor at KCC
• call Social Security and ask about SSI benefits from moving out
• apply to be a bell ringer (heard that makes good money)
• go to bank
• buy dog food
• make a list for Black Friday

I honestly just want tomorrow to be over. I can concentrate on getting out of here when this is all over. Crazyness and more coming soon. Hope y'all have a great Turkey Day if I don't write again before Thursday.

Good news! I am moving to Dekalb in January. I just applied at Kishwaukee Community College. They have an open door policy. So that means I am accepted. The campus is kinda big or so it seems from the parts that I've actually been in. I've also come to realize how expensive MCC is in comparison. KCC said that they would not charge us out of district tuition if we show them proof of residence. So, classes are $75. MCC is $80 for a class. I am so excited for all of this to work.
The apartment has 2 bed rooms and 2 full bathrooms. The washer/dryer is in one of the bathrooms. We get a big screen TV and some furniture. Not gonna lie, that's pretty exciting. Barb, Josh, and I are getting together with the apartment people to talk about how we are paying for rent. The only thing is we have to pay 3 months rent in order to live there. There is a policy that I am not completely sure about.
The choir concert was interesting. The jazz band performed at the end. I was really impressed. The last song made me miss playing trumpet. I plan on picking it back up when I move.
My goal is to pass all my classes. I'd like to keep my 3.2 GPA.
So that's my news folks!